Managing conflict is never easy. In many cases it causes stress and anxiety. Mediation can help you reach a resolution that will satisfactorily resolve your dispute. To help you decide if mediation is an option for you, consider the questions and answers below.

1. Are you currently involved in a dispute with another party/parties?

Statistics show that the success rate of the mediation process is between 80 – 90 %. If you choose family mediation, it is likely that you and your ex-partner will reach an agreement about most, if not all, of the issues. This high success rate occurs because people that participate in family mediation are committed to finding solutions that are in the best interest of their family.

2. Would you like to maintain the relationship with the other party/parties involved in the conflict?

Mediation gives you the opportunity to work together with the other party/parties to reach a mutually satisfactory resolution. This is especially important when issues about children and parenting occur between separating partners. Research shows that the ongoing conflict between parents is more harmful to children than the separation. Since mediation is less adversarial, and tailored to your families needs, there is a greater opportunity to minimize conflict and reduce stress for all involved.

3. Is maintaining a good reputation important to you?

Mediation enables you to avoid publicity if your case goes to court. In addition, an outcome that satisfies the needs of the participants generates goodwill and builds trust between the parties. Showing your children a willingness to co-operate provides them with a sense of security and the understanding that even though you and their other parent no longer live together, you can parent together.

4. Do you worry about the cost of resolving the conflict?

Mediation is usually less costly than other types of dispute resolution for many reasons including:

• Less time consuming
• Parties share the cost
• Sessions are scheduled to minimize your time away from work
• Fewer additional professionals involved

5. Is it important to you to find a solution that will endure over time?

Mediated resolutions are more likely to be carried out because you make the decisions. The Memorandum of Understanding is specific and describes not only how and when the various measures will occur, but also how any issues in the future will be addressed.

6. Is the amount of time necessary to reach a resolution concerning you?

The scheduling of the mediation sessions is controlled by you. Typically, the intake is between 1 ½ to 2 hours and the mediation sessions are 2 to 3 hours each. Depending on the number of issues to work through, it is common that family mediations take more than one session.

7. Is it important to you to have input in the resolution?

While the mediator controls the mediation process, you control the outcome. This is different than other forms of dispute resolution where a third party, such as a judge, makes the decision. Most often when this happens, neither party is satisfied with the outcome. For example, a judge could decide that a child cannot participate in hockey because the parents cannot agree on whose responsibility it is to take the child to practices and games. Under these circumstances, it is the child that loses out.

8. Do you feel confident when expressing yourself with the other party/parties?

The ability to speak confidently is essential in the mediation process because only you are in the position to tell your story and make decisions. Family issues that arise when parents separate are emotional. It is important that you are ready to meet with your ex-partner to discuss the issues. It is the mediator’s role to assess whether mediation is appropriate in your case and if it is not, suggest other processes that may be helpful to you. In order for the mediator to do this, it is important that both parties complete the Confidential Family Client Questionnaire.

9. Do you have the authority to make decisions relating to the issue(s) is in dispute?

Only you know how any proposed solutions will work for you. However, it is also important for you to consider how your decisions may affect others. For example, it would be important to ask a grandparent if they are able to pick the children up from school before proposing that arrangement in a mediation session.

10. Have you sought legal advice?

Mediators cannot give legal advice and it will be strongly suggested that you obtain legal advice. It will be recommended that you seek legal advice throughout the mediation the process so that you will be aware of your legal rights and responsibilities.

11. Are you concerned about the confidentiality of the mediation process?

• Both parties can agree to conduct mediation sessions “Without prejudice”.
• During the mediation, you control the information that is disclosed.
• During your individual meeting or caucus, you decide what information, if any, you would like the mediator to share with the other party/parties.

12. Would you like to minimize further stress related to this conflict?

The changes that a family goes through when there is a separation are numerous and challenging, not only for the parents, but also for the children. Why add any unnecessary stress by engaging in a process that is impersonal, formal and uncertain? Mediation is a nonadversarial process that is voluntary, flexible and informal.

13. Are you willing to follow the mediation process, including agreed upon ground rules?

Reaching a mutually satisfactory resolution using mediation depends on the willingness of the parties to adhere to the mediation process. Although people who come to mediation do so for a number of reasons, most often it is because they have difficulty communicating with each other. The mediation process and the ground rules must be respected so that the obstacles to effective communication are removed.